bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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