Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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