Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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