i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize