I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
