all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
