saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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