We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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