broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
