My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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