i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
