Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
