If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
