i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
