I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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