quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
