69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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