Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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