ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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