I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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