The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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