HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did i walk over a car last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
