I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
