bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
