she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
