Got a toothbrush?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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