would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
two words...techno handjob
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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