Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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