she smelled like a LAN party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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