I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
