He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
nutella sex= disaster
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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