i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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