There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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