I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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