I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
