I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
