Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
