now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my liver is dry heaving
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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