I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
