The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize