If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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