if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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