His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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