the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
