i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
