I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize