so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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