Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
