do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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