I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
4 words: hood of his car
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
