went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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