he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
