he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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