He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
