I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
