My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize