The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
