I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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