Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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