Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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