He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
