The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
