the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
