so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
