When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
