how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
