So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize