Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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