My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We talked him into tasing himself.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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