i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
