Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
