Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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