Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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