that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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