I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
