There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
