My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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