i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
