Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
