somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
