It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
