everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
