remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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