She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
