There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
