Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize