Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
