we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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