i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
