"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
