this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
