and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
