Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
