I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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