Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
