Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize