So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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